Bride kidnapping in Kyrgyzstan

Henry

5 years ago

Introduction

Kyrgyzstan is a nation steeped in traditions dating back centuries, defined across numerous facets of their culture, such as greetings, food, clothing, sports, weddings, deaths, or yurt etiquette, for example.

There is one tradition, archaic by modern standards, that is still prevalent despite having been suppressed during the Soviet era and the modern Kyrgyzstan’s government legislative efforts to prosecute those who partake in it.

That is, the tradition of bride kidnapping where a young woman is abducted and is forced to marry her kidnapper against her will.

Also known locally as “Ala-Kachuu” (it can be roughly translated as “Grab and run”), it is estimated that nearly 14% of girls under 24 years old are married while under duress or coercion. Recent studies estimate as high as a third of ethnic Kyrgyz marriages are the result of bride kidnapping; up to 12,000 women and girls are abducted for forced marriage annually. Most of these forced marriages occur in rural settings where over 50% of marriages are the result of bride kidnapping. The issue is further compounded with forced child marriages where 12% of girls in Kyrgyzstan are married before their 18th birthday.

Bride kidnapping has been illegal since 1994 in Kyrgyzstan but it still happens.

Kyrgyzstan is the primary country in Central Asia where significant numbers of bride kidnappings still occur yearly.

But how does Ala-Kachuu work exactly? And why does it still happen?

Some lovely Kyrgyz women I met in Bishkek.

How bride kidnapping typically works in Kyrgyzstan

A man knows or sees a girl he likes and wants to marry her. This girl may know him or may not even be aware of his existence.

He, and maybe with the help of his friends and/or relatives, devise a plan to abduct her wherever she is located, such as on the public street on the way to university, for example.

The abducted girl is taken to the would-be bridegroom’s family home and kept in a room.

Through the would-be groom’s relatives, especially elder female members, be it the mother, sisters, aunts or grandmothers, try and convince her to marry him (if she does not consent to the proposal initially) while trying to tie a white handkerchief (a symbol of purity or virginity) on her head; traditionally, once the would-be bride accepts the ceremonial scarf, it is agreed by her that she will accept the marriage ‘proposal’ and a wedding can begin.

Through steadily applied pressure, threats of social exclusion, and mental exhaustion caused by the kidnapper’s relatives, the girl can eventually agree and accept the ceremonial scarf.

A small wedding ceremony is often quickly held on the night the girl ‘consents’ to be married. A local “moldo” (a priest, typically a Muslim one as Kyrgyzstan is a Muslim-majority country) blesses the marriage. This marriage is normally consummated the same evening to make the marriage official – all this happens without the girl’s family knowledge at the time.

By accepting this marriage, the girl is often forced to give up her studies (if she is studying at university) by her husband so she can work to earn money until she has children when she’ll become a mother and housewife looking after their children.

Shamed into Marriage

You might be thinking, why doesn’t the girl simply say no?

Tradition dictates that such a refusal will bring incredible shame and embarrassment for her family in their village. The widespread village and community shame can be immense, potentially making the girl and her family outcasts.

More personally, if the girl refuses or escapes, this can be seen as her insulting the honour of her family. She would be considered a pariah and ‘tainted’ or ‘impure’, where she would be considered an outcast dishonouring her family so they may not take her back.

Reporting such an abduction to police, implicating the abductor and his family, can bring greater shame and grief to the girl’s family in their village – this is why such bride kidnappings are not as widely reported as they should be to police.

Reverse bride kidnapping!

My friend (whose mother was also almost a victim of bride but escaped and evaded capture by hiding in a corn field!) told me a somewhat black comedic situation where her friend at university arranged her own bride kidnapping – a reverse bride kidnapping!

This girl was dating her boyfriend and he wanted to marry her. Unfortunately for him, her parents did not approve of him. Despite the numerous pleas and (unaccepted) gifts from his parents to the girlfriend’s parents and even grandparents, the boyfriend’s wish was not granted.

Because of this, the girlfriend did what any other sane girl would do – arrange her own bride kidnapping! Together with her boyfriend and his friends, they planned and organised a place and time where the ‘kidnapping’ would take place.

The bride kidnapping was successfully arranged and the happy couple got married before the new year!

Why does bride kidnapping happen (and still happen) in Kyrgyzstan?

There are several reasons why the bride kidnapping practice still exists today in Kyrgyzstan.

Some men partake in bride kidnapping because they were simply rejected or unable to date the girl in the first place; the man resorts to kidnapping her as a way to force her into a marriage with him.

Some people of the older generation believe Ala-Kachuu to be a pre-Soviet tradition dating back to tribal prestige, to Kyrgyzstan’s nomadic past, to something more primal, where Kyrgyz tribal men kidnapped their wives on the back of their horses; they see this tradition as part of their heritage and blood.

Another reason is economics. In the Kyrgyzstan tradition of consensual marriage, it is customary for the groom’s family to pay a dowry to the bride’s family. This is known as “Kalym” (“калым” in Russian). This is a payment to her family for raising the groom family’s future daughter-in-law. They are essentially ‘buying’ the daughter for their family; afterwards, she can be considered to be not part of her biological family anymore. The payment can be anywhere up to $5,000 USD plus livestock or other important household items.

However, by bride kidnapping the girl, the kidnapper/groom’s family is not obliged to pay the Kalym and only pay little for the ceremony since the hastily arranged ceremony simply involves the groom’s family; if the kidnapper’s family is poor, bride kidnapping is a way of avoiding paying Kalym.

“How did you meet your husband?”

“Oh, I met my husband when he kidnapped me in the back of a van.”

Into the public spotlight

While it is less prevalent now, especially in the northern and metro areas of Kyrgyzstan, the practice still exists, particularly in the southern and more rural villages where old traditions are still being kept alive.

I was having coffee with a local in Bishkek when she told me that a young girl had been ‘bride-napped’ only a few days ago, happening not far from Bishkek.

Such a story can make for a somewhat awkwardly black comedic story if someone asks a married Kyrgyz woman, who had been kidnapped, how she met her husband – hoping for some cute love story of how they met.

“How did you meet your husband?”

“Oh, I met my husband when he kidnapped me in the back of a van.”

The subject of bride kidnapping was brought to the forefront in Kyrgyzstan in mid-2018 after a brutal murder.

Burulai Turdaaly Kyzy, a 20 year old medical graduate, was killed by her kidnapper at a police station. Her kidnapper, and subsequent murderer, had previously abducted her but was unsuccessful in actually marrying her thanks her to parents being able to find and save her.

Her kidnapper tried again on another occasion around a month later. Burulai’s father was quickly informed and called the police. Both the kidnapper and Burulai were taken into custody at a Bishkek police station. The police made a fatal error in allowing them to be alone together in the same room without police presence. The kidnapper proceeded to stab Burulai to death.

The murder shook the entire country, bringing much needed public attention to the issue of forced marriage, prompting the government to improve and expand upon legalisation to stop forced marriages from occurring. Burulai’s murderer was sentenced to 20 years in prison for the violent murder.

A mural by art group DOXA was created and dedicated to Burulai and other girls who have suffered due to this archaic but still prevalent tradition. This mural can be seen at Bishkek Medical College.

The memorial mural to Burulai Turdaaly Kyzy - A victim of bride kidnapping.

The future of the bride kidnapping tradition

It is understandable that a lot of girls in rural areas are incredibly vigilant about their safety.

The United Nations stated that bride kidnapping is not tradition, stating “It is a human rights abuse that the government should act decisively to stop before more women are harmed.”

By allowing bride kidnapping to occur, girls are reduced to a thing like property, something that can be owned and subjugated. Needless to say, it violates their human rights severely. It can be worse when domestic violence and abuse occurs in the forced marriage and there is no way to escape. This leads to some women committing suicide as a way to escape the marriage.

The Krygyz government has tried to stop bride kidnapping and forced marriages, especially illegal child marriages, through tougher legalisation such as prohibition to perform child religious marriages and longer prison sentences. Tougher legalisation still has not managed to deter the practice. This due to the fact that there is a lack of victims coming forward to get the perpetrator prosecuted.

Often small rural villages have a de facto council of elders who settle disputes, so any issues are ‘resolved’ before reaching police.

Any cases that does reach the courts does not always result in a prosecution.

There is also a general lack of support services for affected women and a general disregard of their suffering, of taking their complaints seriously. This further compounds the issue – why bother reporting this crime if no one is going to listen to me?

We can only hope as more people are educated and are aware of and respect anti-forced marriage laws, the tradition of bride kidnapping and forced marriages become a relic of the past.

Widespread education and awareness campaigns are necessary to change mindsets and combat indigent attitudes in still a widely patriarchy society.

Hopefully, in time, no more girls and their families, such as Burulai’s, will be subjected to the consequences and malicious harm caused by bride kidnapping and forced marriages.

Here’s hoping.